Charlie Chastain and John Cartless
The Charlie Chastain and John Cartless Banter
Mr. Charlie and Mr. John lived to get something on the other. Mr. Charlie had a large belly. Mr. John was very slim. They met at a public gathering. Mr. John walked over to Mr. Charlie, patted him on the stomach, and inquired, “Charlie what are you going to name it.”
Mr. Charlie was quick on the draw with a reply. He responded, “Well John I have given it considerable thought. If it is a boy, I intend to name it George in honor of our First President, George Washington. If it’s a girl, I plan to name her Martha in honor of our first First Lady Martha Washington. But if it’s what I highly suspect it will be, I plan to name it John Cartless”!
Mr. Charlie was Ill and Couldn’t Go
Memorial Day Sunday celebration was coming the 4th Sunday in May at the church cemetery. Every family was expected to have at least one person on hand the day before the celebration to help chop down the weeds, carry the refuse away and leave fresh tilled soil around the graves. It then was the custom. But, Mr. Charlie was ill and unable to go and help.
So, he engaged a neighbor’s son, Alan, to go and take his place in the clean-up effort. He was told to report to Mr. John Cartless who was in charge of the cemetery clean-up.
Alan arrived at the scene in the early morning and went to Mr. John Cartless and reported. Alan told him he was there to take Mr. Charlie Chastain’s place. Mr. John said, “Now let me be sure I understand. You came here to take Charlie’s place?” Alan replied, “Yes, Sir.”
Mr. John directed him as follows. “Son, do you see those two fellows working together over there?” Alan replied, “Yes Sir.” Mr. John continued, “If you are here to take Charlie’s place, go over and join them by making about a dozen licks with your hoe, prop up on the hoe handle and talk just as hard as you can until the ladies come and spread lunch. Go to the Dinner-on-the-ground dinner (noontime) and eat as much as any three men here. After you have eaten go back to the cemetery, pick up your hoe, make about a dozen more licks with your hoe, again prop on the hoe handle and talk as hard as you can until we finish. Then pick up your hoe, put it over your shoulder, and walk on back down the road home. That way you will have taken Charlie’s place.”
I’m sure Alan being the responsible boy that he was actually did a good day’s work.
But, when Alan told Mr. Charlie about what Mr. John had said, Mr. Charlie became angry. He didn’t laugh it off. It was too close to the truth. Mr. Charlie loved to talk.
This was written by Roy C. Watson at Brandon, Mississippi on April 14. 2003.